The Many Things I Wish To Say

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This poem is to you, my fellow readers
This poem is what I want to say to the world
When you hear my words
Remember that this is me
I pour out my mind to the world
So that it will know me
And as I write these words,
I hope I can be a light to someone
And maybe be able to show them
That I am not that stereotypical girl
That I am strange
Wonderfully and beautifully strange
And I love it
What is so terrible about being strange?
I want this world to know
That there is no such thing as “Normal”
There is nothing normal about this world
We are all wonderfully strange in our own ways
I have struggled so many times in life before
Because I thought this world rejected me
Yet was that just in my mind?
Yeah… I was another one fooled into thinking that
Because this world loves to think it’s perfect
This world loves perfection
Because it is broken
And just like us
We are all broken
Yet unlike this world’s idea
We are each beautifully broken
Each a mosaic of different colors
Trying to put ourselves together
Yet each time we get hurt
Our colors shatter one by one
Until we are nothing but a pile of glass
Yet when someone sees us
In all our colors
No matter how dull they seem to us
They are a masterpiece to someone out there
We are loved
I, who have thought for so long
That this world has rejected me
It was I who rejected it
And the people around me
I who was shy in her dark shadow
Yet when I finally smiled
And showed the world my light
The light became a part of me
My soul, already broken
Smashed and brought back together so many times
I thought I was lost
Just simply roaming the road to darkness
But now,
I walk this road to dawn
I can’t stand the darkness
Nor could I ever fully walk the road to light
Not yet anyways
So now on my journey I go
This journey of heart and soul
I pick this road
Because…
This darkness
And light
This hurt and sorrow
And this joy and happiness
You can’t have one without the other
So I’ll be in that in-between
I’ll be in that realm of twilight
I’ll show those who walk the road to darkness the light within
Because in the deepest darkness
There is the brightest light
Just waiting for us to see it
It’s always there
We just have to hold out our hand and know
That we are not alone
Hand in hand we join together
This pain and joy that binds human kind forever
I hold out my hand
And say to you who are lost
I, who am a simple traveler like you
Wandering these lonesome roads with you tonight
See those people going on their way?
Those who pass by us?
They, who seem to be full of greatness,
They too are broken
You know them, don’t you?
Just like you
The ones with beautiful hearts
They know this road of daybreak
And I am on that road
To find the heart’s true light
Please join me on this journey
Into the great unknown
This world so broken
This mask it hides behind
This mask of perfection
Take it off and what do you have?
Just a shattered world
Wanting something it can never have
Taking in its victims one by one
Yet your heart is precious
Don’t give it up
Don’t be a fool like I once was
I, this lonely traveler
Though I don’t know what may lie ahead
Please as we journey together,
Let me see you for who you are
Show me your sorrow
Your pain
I who am just as broken as you
I am just a simple, Christian girl
Though some may think of me as perfect and happy
There is a deep sorrow inside me
I the biggest hypocrite of all
Wears this mask of lies
Yet as I walk this path
This road to dawn
This mask is breaking
And maybe one day
I’ll truly be free
But I can’t do this alone
Please…
As I hold out my hand
Know that you are my strength just as much as I am yours
Dear reader,
Tonight I want you to think of who you are
Are you broken?
Are you whole?
Are you walking the road to darkness?
Or the road to dawn just as I am?
Please show me your heart
And please…
Let me show you mine…

One Thousand Friends and One Heart

One Thousand Friends and One Heart

She had one thousand friends
At least that’s what she said
Starring deep into the colorful screen
She was happy
Or at least wanted to be
For she had been alone
In need of “Friends”
Yet who were they?
Who are they?
So this right here
Is a small little story about her journey
About one girl with only one heart
In hopes of finding another
So that she might finally find “Hope”

Late one night
A girl was crying
She had no one
So this story starts,
As a girl with only one heart and herself
A shy, timid girl
Who had none but herself
She was depressed
For she thought she had nothing
Even though she tried
Never could she find a friend
She tried to fill the void
With books of all kinds
For that was all she thought she had
She was maddened by the agony
Of feeling so alone
So sadness took her lonely heart
And left a wound deep within
Yet one day
Whilst sitting alone at her old desk
For a writer she wanted to be
She saw something flash before her in the news
A great thing called “Facebook”
A way to find friends without leaving the comforts of home
She had heard of it before
But never gave it any thought
Maybe this was the way to having friends?
So then she began
And there she stared
Into the depths of her computer
In the beginning of her”Facebook journey”
She started slow
With only her family
Yet soon her friends list
Showed her with more
Many people loved her
With every post
With every like
With every share
She thought for a moment
“Was this what I was looking for?”
She had friends
Or so she thought
She found best friends
Or so they say
She found love
So why was her heart still broken?
Life passed her by
And soon “reality”
Became her “fantasy”
She wanted someone to hold onto
To be able to lean on
So then why did she not leave?
Her heart was slowly becoming like ice
Her thoughts that once were full of imagination
Turned into deep depression
Thousands upon thousands loved her
Yet each of them just hurt her heart even more
She wanted to reach out her hand
And have someone take it
She wanted happiness
Yet how could she find that?
In just a simple pixellated screen?
So into the real world she went
In hope of finding someone
Yet she found nothing
She still saw social media everywhere
Covering everything she once knew
It wasn’t just Facebook and Gmail
It was so much more
From Twitter to Instagram
To Snapchat
To more and more
Piles upon piles of lives
Simply staring into a screen
She looked at this once great world
Even though she was alone
There was still hope everywhere
Yet now
This world that wanted to accept her friend request instead of her
Made her realize just how much she missed
She wanted to leave
She wanted to go back in time to when she was young
Before she was scared of such beauty
Before the harshness of the world hurt her
She couldn’t stand it anymore
She wanted to get rid of all this hurt
So what to leave behind?
Her “friends”?
Or her heart?
Yet she couldn’t give up her last hope
Of ever finding at least one true friend
So her heart was what she kept
So there she sat
At the screen one last time
And said good-bye
To her one thousand friends
Yet her one heart
Felt lonely once more
With scars and scabs staining her soul
How could she ever truly live life again?
Yet even though she thought she was alone once more
She heard one last message
Before she got rid of everything for good
One friend
Came back to her
Another heart searching for a friend
One heart
That came back to say
“You are not alone”
One soul
That opened itself up
And said that she was “Hope”
Hope to all who had forgotten friendship
The girl was surprised
For never had she been of importance
At least in this life
She was shocked
That even one of her hundreds of friends
Came to comfort her
To say
“You don’t have to go back to that”
“I’ll stay by your side”
“And help you when pain and hurt is there again”
“Just like you did to me”
And so…
As any story goes
She found her heart yet again
And found another
Though she didn’t have one thousand friends
She still had her one heart
To share with another
Two friends and two hearts
Together healed each other wounds
Day by day
Week by week
Year by year
Always there
And always to be…

And that right there is the story
Of one heart
Who found a thousand more
Yet ended up with 999 less in the end
Yet one to be by her side
In the reality of the great big world that’s out there
Never again to be just a long and forgotten “Fantasy”