(Poetry), definietly poetry)
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Sitting back
I watch and wait
For the clock to chime it’s hourly tune
A sweet fantasy book lies right next to me
I want to read it so badly
Yet something holds me back
I guess I just want to take this time,
And just try and understand my own story
After diving into so many
I’ve almost forgotten mine
What is my story?
What kind of character am I?
Yet even in a book,
I know I would be no one
Maybe a side character
There one chapter
Gone the next
Nobody would care
After all,
It’s the main character they’re all interested in
The hero who will live to the very end
I, who will probably die like the rest of them,
Why can’t I be the main character?
Brave and courageous
The one who gets out of their small, little world
And become the amazing protagonist they are
I wish I could do that…

Empty, inky wishes fill my mind
A world full of colors
Made from the darkness of black
I wonder what lies inside
Is it a story of heart?
A story of glory?
Or maybe a story of death?
The same clichés over and over
Even so,
I never grow tired of them
After all…
Isn’t life just like that?
I guess I’ll never know…
Another chapter done
Another hour gone
Will this ever end?
Do I want this to end?
Is it really that bad to want what they have?…
My questions are already answered
Still I ask
Yet it’s still the same response every time
The same ones those many books have taught me
“The power of friendship!”
“Never give up!”
“I’ll never let you down!”
Ink-stained words…
Why can’t you be truthful?
Why must you lie to me?
A fantasy that I wish were real
Is it really so bad to dream?
Peaceful valleys
Gruesome battlefields
Where do I belong?
In a world that’s just for me
Why don’t I belong even in there?
The clock keeps ticking
Soon it will be time
A princess waiting in her tower
A slave in her cell
Which sounds more colorful?
A sweet prince who will stop at nothing
To prove his true feelings
A deceitful friend
Who will stop at nothing to prove how wrong you were
Which one sounds more interesting?
Unanswered riddles litter my life
How did this happen?
And why?
An oblivious dreamer
An obvious cliché
I live in a world that couldn’t care less
For the hero
Who will crush the heart of the brave
Who will hurt us before our journey even begins
Or is this a lie as well?
It’s hard to know
With no words as my guide
No maps or mind reading of the heart
How could I survive?
Is it really that terrible?
Or am I just over thinking things again…
Tears flow out of my tired blood shot eyes
Eyes closed to the outside world
Why does this illusion seem so much more real?
The bright sunlight warms my cold beating heart
Tick tock tick
It keeps in rhythm with the little bit of time I have left
Drifting off to sleep again,
I hope this isn’t my last time
I want to meet those people again
See that world I could never see
Even if for only a moment
My heart beat is slowly fading away
The beats going faster and faster than the clock could ever count
My story is almost over
Yet, was there even anything to write about?
My last dream…
I’m glad…
That I got to see my friends once again
My ink-stained friends…
My ink-filled life…
My inky world…
Drip drop drip
Goes the ink pen
Yet soon it will stop
And I’ll have to leave the little bit of hope I had
I’ll be brave
Just like those many heroes
I’ll say my last good-byes
And wish them all farewell
I guess they wouldn’t know that
Because how can I tell them that,
When I’m just as fake as they are?
Just another ink-stained girl
With no image or color
Just your imagination
Will I survive?
Will I die?
It’s in your hands now
But really…
We all know how it’s going to end
I’m already gone
This story is at its end
So I guess…
This really is my final…



My Friend who was a Warrior


It was our last sunset together
Summer vacation was coming to a sudden end
And both of us couldn’t help but feel it in the air
Can I escape from here?
I hate having to go back to that place
I just want it to be me and you
I know that’s impossible though
We will both grow up
Get a job
Maybe go to college
Have our own families to deal with
Will I still remember you then?
My eyes fill with the tears I’ve been holding back
For so long…
I just wanted this moment to last forever
Looking into your face
I could tell something was off
Was something on your mind as well?
A silent conversation went on between us
“Are you really alright?”
Yet none of us want to say it
Because we both know the answer
I just wanted to go back to the day we first met
I was a young girl
I was so shy…
I could barely form a sentence!
You remember that
You were like me as well
But unlike me who just lived with it
You grew sick of it
And finally got out of your shell
A once quiet frown
A once quiet life
A blank stare
A blank textbook
Now that I think about it,
How did you even get such good grades?
I softly laugh,
A tiny grin appears on my face
Just one thing,
How did you change?
One day an empty shell
Next day you were the talk of the town
We always sat down next to each other
Never realizing just how much alike we were
You saw my dull eyes
Seeing yourself in them,
You took me in
And taught me the ways of you
Oh Sensei,
My laughter drifted off into colorful sky above us
A silent conversation
You know what I’m thinking of…
A smile appeared on your face
Yet why were you crying?
Shouldn’t I be the one doing the…
Unspoken words finally said,
“I’m sorry,”
“I guess our adventures must come to an end,”
“I wasn’t ever really a hero,”
“Was I?”
But you were the strong one!
I wanted to say
You were the one who finally stood up
Yet even you,
Still remember the hurt
The pain of being alone
The pain of being nothing
I wish I could’ve come to your rescue
Yet I was just as lost as you
I just want to know…
“How did you save me then if you weren’t a hero?”
“How did you survive?”
My words cut off once again
Yet I’m too surprised to do anything about it
Your arms around mine
A warm embrace
A soft whisper is all I hear
“You were the strength I needed to survive,”
“You were my hero,”
“Just as much as I was yours…”
The tears aren’t stopping anytime soon
The memories aren’t either
When you first saved me
I was still a silent girl
Quietly doing whatever she was told
This was the life I knew
I never knew how much I missed out on
Yet if that’s what it took to meet you
Then I’m glad…
I remember as I cried down your back,
I remember seeing an extremely pretty sunset
The clouds seemed like they were outlined in gold
The blue sky was reflecting the ocean beneath us
The salty sea air didn’t help with our already salty tears
Yet another smile on my face
Our eyes tired from how long we’ve cried
Yet never letting go
We watched the day go by
I promise
I’ll never forget the hero who saved me that day
The warrior who bravely stormed through the hard times
So my friend who was a warrior
I’m glad…
That we got to live another day…
And I’m glad…
That this wasn’t our last sunset together
“You were my strength,”
Just as much as I was yours…”

The Girl Named “Sorrow”

(for poem)

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As the wind rustled through the trees
The soft sound of laughter could be heard
A smiling girl
With powers beyond her own understanding
She was so kind and sweet
Such was strange in the world that she lived in
In a world that was in chaos
There was one who was not
Unaware of the world around her
There she stayed
Deep in a forest long forgotten
For where else did she have to go?
A heart of a child still lay in her
Nothing to do
She simply lived
Singing her songs
Laughing as the blue butterflies danced around her
The trees swinging their branches in merriment
She was happy
Yet who was she really?
What was she?
She who should have never been
Yet there she was
The air was filled with her magic
A blue glow emitted off of her
And spread throughout the world
Each day taking in the blue glow
And each day letting the blue glow go even further
Deeper and deeper into the heart of the world
Yet what was this power?
It was as if she was slowly taking something
Yet what?
The butterflies sang their songs
Yet each one of them only sang of one thing
The trees sang their song of “Sadness”
The lake sang its song of “Tears”
Everything cried out in their own tone
Hoping that one day the girl would listen
Yet she never did
A smile that never faded
She was content
Nothing to be feared
What were they singing?
Magic poured from her
A beauty unfathomable
She was what they all wanted
A war raged on for her
They, all looking for something
Yet what?
Empty hearts raging on with empty wars
This was the world she was in
Yet each day
She took something from them
Emotions filled with hope
Memories full of love
A war that would never end without them
Centuries passed
The world was slowly crumbling away
Yet there she was
Still in her own fantasy world
Still unaware
Of her own heart that was diminishing
Soon she would fade away with this world
Her heart was aching
Her soul couldn’t take this lie anymore
And finally…
Her eyes had come awake
The full moon shown on her silvery skin
And her once smiling face was still
Her eyes the color of rubies stared into the shadowy night
A silent wish…
“Will I ever truly feel whole?”
Deep down she had kept it
Locking it away deep inside of herself
She wanted it so badly
This wonderful feeling
Their happiness and joy
Memories of long ago
She had taken them in hopes of being full
Yet how could she?
A girl named “Sorrow”
Something that should’ve never existed
Yet there she was
A girl named “Sadness”
But was she really?
A girl named “Empty” and “Forgotten”
Who was she again?
For the first time in her whole time of existing
She finally felt it
Emotions other than her own
Yet why did it hurt so badly?
Her eyes opened wide
She saw it for the first time
The trees saddened by the weight of her magic
The lake filled with tears
The butterflies with their radiant, blue glow
Sang their own cry of madness
She had taken everything from them
Using them to bring her life
Forgotten tears lay underneath her
Tears filled with their sadness
And her own
For once
She truly felt it
And without any hesitation
With her newly awakened emotions
She sang their song
This terrible song
Their song called “Agony”
A song of “Regret”
A song of…
A lament that reached far into the sky
Until they reached the heavens themselves
And it spread far and wide
Until all the people of the world
Finally heard her song
For the first time in a long time
They felt it again
Their own melody of “Misery”
The whole earth trembled
And sang her song
A bright, blue glow
Slowly faded into the darkness of night
Then there was silence…
The world was silent
The people were silent
The trees
The lake
The butterflies
The one called “Sorrow”
She took in her blue glow
Gently taking it in her hands
A blue orb of emotion
Her very own “Heart”
Memories long forgotten pouring out of it
All the things she had kept in her…
She closed her tired eyes
And whispered one last silent prayer
Then she sent it away
All that she had filled herself with
Was gone
And emptiness filled her life once more
Her vision turned hazy as she fell in the lake below
Quietly fading away into the night
She who never should’ve existed
Existed no more
A soul called “Sorrow”
Filled the world with its silent cry of “Hope”
A new day was dawning
A world that was once full of war
Was finally at peace
A deep sadness filled the void
The one thing they all fought for
Never fully complete
For how can someone feel joy,
Without the tears of happiness?
The sky was filled with a beautiful shade of blue that morning
And yet somehow…
There she lay
The lake once full of tears
Now a beautiful meadow of blue flowers
Their petals filled the air
With a distant laughter
A distant song
A distant memory the earth once held
Lost and forgotten from reality
Now forever in her unending dream
A girl named “Sorrow”
Her last wish…
“Don’t ever forget me, okay?”

Dear You,

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Dear Best Friend,
How are you?
It’s been a few weeks since I last saw you!!!
I haven’t heard anything from you yet
So I hope that I’ll hear from you soon!
Even though I moved away
I hope we can still hear from each other!
You’re my best friend in the whole world!!!
I hope to see you soon
Just like we said we would!
Please reply soon!!!
Your best friend,

Dear Friend
Hi again,
It’s me, your dear friend
How’s it been?
It’s been pretty hard since the move
I haven’t made any friends yet
But it’s a pretty big neighborhood so…
I hope to become friends with some others soon!
I have always been shy so…
I hope that I can finally open up!
But I promise that you’re still my best friend!
Hope you’re okay!
Your friend,
Dear you,
Hi yet again
It’s me…
It’s been really hard around here
Barely two years have passed since I last saw you…
I’m still home-schooled
And still trying not be as shy…
I still don’t have anyone
And I really hate it here
Everyone here seems fake
Like their constantly putting on a show
I miss you being there
You were the only one I could talk to
I still haven’t heard from you since the move
Which was almost two years ago…
I hope to finally hear from you soon!!!

Dear Someone,
I hope this reaches you…
It’s been awhile since I last wrote to you
About 3 years ago
I’m still trying hard to open up
And I’m slowly getting a bit more open!
I wonder still though…
How are you?
You who were my only friend…
I missed you
For the whole first year when I first moved
I thought about you a lot
And then a year and half later
You still never told me anything
Never a word from you
Two years later
I had just about given up
Yet I still wanted to believe you were still there…
That maybe somewhere I still had someone
Yet were you even real?
Were you just a dream?
Three years now
And yes… I’ve given up hope
I lost the hope
The hope of you ever coming back
Yet now that I’ve given up on that
I strangely enough feel a bit free
Just another burden off my shoulders
Why is that?
I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but…
Whenever I used to think about you
I thought of joy
I thought that I would stay there in that place
And you too
I know…
I’m a fool still to this day
Yet you were all I had
Yet now,
Just giving that up
That hope of our friendship
That empty wish that turned to sorrow
To regret
To pain
Now is free of that
I have hope again
I know that you’re probably busy with your friends
You the popular one
I, the shy one
I never really had anyone
Did I?
Or did you and I give up on something truly wonderful?
Dear someone I once knew…
Please tell me…
Just this once…
Were you ever there?
Or was I just another person to hang around
Just another person on that long list…
Why must these happy memories,
Be bruised and broken by all this hurt
You who silently killed my aching soul
You who said that you would hold my hand…
You who said you would never forget me…
Where are you now?
Who are you now?
You were my world
You were my only hope
Please someone I once knew
Did you remember that one promise?
You said that you would never forget me
And as I send this last letter
Please remember…
The true friend I once loved so dearly
Please know
This is my final good-bye
Your shy, nerdy friend that always held your hand
Has finally left in hopes of another
I, who will always wonder…
Forever more…
Who were you?
Dear someone I once knew
So long,

To: The Person I Once Knew
From: …

What Makes a Good Christian

I want to show you something I came across today while looking through some old stories I had done in the past. It’s an old report I had done that I must say is some of my best writing. This is one that really inspired me to become a writer when I first wrote it. I look back on it and smile just thinking about how happy I was when I finished it. I hope this brightens your day too as it did to me.


What Makes a Good Christian

What makes a good Christian is how much you truly believe in God. The time spent on prayer, going to church on Sunday, it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t bring you closer to God. A good Christian will love God more than anything. They will have faith in Him whether it’s to move a mountain or to write a story. The faith in God is truly important to your relationship with Him. Without it, the relationship would fail just like in any other relationship with anyone else. Without the trust, how can we truly believe in Him in the first place? The reason why we even ever believe in Him in the first place should be because we need Him. We need Him in our daily life in this world of pain and suffering. We need someone to help us get through our daily everyday life.

It’s a harsh world out there with the many temptations and hardships. Sometimes we are too cold-hearted in to even want to think about God. How we become a good Christian is when we finally give our heart to God. It’s when we finally let go of our sinful ways and say, “I surrender my past to you, Lord.” When we do that, only then can we have peace.

At first, this world seems wonderful. It’s all shiny and new with nothing bad in it. There are friends to talk to and a whole world to see when we grow-up. We love the world very much. Slowly though, we realize as we turn older the many horrible things in it. Some people were born into that horrible life of torture, others haven’t. When we grow-up, we get knowledge. Some people reject the knowledge, others want it, and yet others accept it. I know I see many people who try to reject it, yet many more who want it so badly that they can’t see it. When we realize this truth, we find out how foolish this world can be. Only those who accept the truth can find the truth.
This world has many ugly things in it. Yet, there’s a certain beauty to it as well. This beauty is the hope and love that God let us feel. Yet, how can we feel it if we don’t even know what love is? God is love, so how can we not feel Him as well, whether Christian or not? I guess it’s because, before we are Christians, we ourselves can only numbly feel love. Because we don’t know what God is, we can only feel the love that this world has shown us. We can only feel the world and not God who is love. Only when we finally have found God, can we truly ever love anyone at all. When we can at last take off the mask of the world and truly smile with the love of God.

When we finally realize all of these things we get knowledge. When we get the knowledge we get the truth of God. When we get the truth about what God is, we get to know what love is. When we know what love is, we put our hope in that love. When we have hope in the love, it slowly turns into faith in Him. When we have faith in Him, we believe in Him. When we finally believe in Him, we know what beauty is. When we know what beauty is, we realize the foolish world. When we realize the foolish world, it’s our choice to either help the world or to help others. When we figure this out, only then can we become a good Christian in Christ.

The Lights of Empty “Happiness”

For poetry (For the light...
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It was a world full of tranquility
Small orbs of light slowly drifted out of the fields
The daylight over the hill slowly consumed the dark shadows
And I was shown the light of day once again
I who was the only one in this world
Lay on the soft grass
Grasping at the sun that lay in the morning sky
“Why am I here?”
Days went by and nothing came
All that was here was the light that enveloped me
I was free
Yet I was alone
I knew there had to be others like me
Why else would I want this feeling?
This feeling of being whole
A far off memory…
Wars and chaos,
I remembered
It was you who took me to this place
Wasn’t it?
Yet even in that dark place
I was alone
All who I had known had left me
Yet you took me into your world
The lights…
They swirled all around me
Until I was here
Here to live out my days
Finally at peace
Yet why was there still sorrow inside of me?
Emotions were slowly flowing out of me
Joining the lights that filled the air
Yet sorrow was one that could never leave me
Through whispers it told me
“Remember what it felt like to feel?”
The sun slowly came down the other side
And the moon was coming up
Another day
Just laying in the light
The small orbs of light slowly floated up
And gathered in the night sky
As if they were going to sleep as well
My eyes closed
And I dreamt of a place
Filled with family
And friends
A world I once lived in
I wish it hadn’t been broken
As I lay here
A single tear escapes my eyes
And reminds me of the sorrow still in me
The last bit of emotion still left in me
I open my eyes
And see the lone tear slowly leave my face
Falling into the ever growing grass it goes
The last bit of what had been
The light would soon consume my body
Until I was orb of light
Another light that would float into the sky above
Yet as my vision slowly faded
A rustle in the grass awoke me
What was that noise?
My last moments here,
And all I could hear were your footsteps
Going ever so softly on the long grass
You reached out your hand
A smile
A feeling
A memory
You were the one who led me here
Weren’t you?
You were my “happiness”
And you were also that voice
That voice of sorrow
A warm hand in mine
Gradually pulled me up
And showed me this world I was in
It was a world of hope
Of wonders
Of everything I could hope for
And there you were
Hand in hand
You led me through these fields
As the light of day soon rained down on us
I saw your true radiance
A beautiful mystery that found a way to my heart
Lead me to the light
Take me in
My dearly beloved,

The Many Things I Wish To Say

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This poem is to you, my fellow readers
This poem is what I want to say to the world
When you hear my words
Remember that this is me
I pour out my mind to the world
So that it will know me
And as I write these words,
I hope I can be a light to someone
And maybe be able to show them
That I am not that stereotypical girl
That I am strange
Wonderfully and beautifully strange
And I love it
What is so terrible about being strange?
I want this world to know
That there is no such thing as “Normal”
There is nothing normal about this world
We are all wonderfully strange in our own ways
I have struggled so many times in life before
Because I thought this world rejected me
Yet was that just in my mind?
Yeah… I was another one fooled into thinking that
Because this world loves to think it’s perfect
This world loves perfection
Because it is broken
And just like us
We are all broken
Yet unlike this world’s idea
We are each beautifully broken
Each a mosaic of different colors
Trying to put ourselves together
Yet each time we get hurt
Our colors shatter one by one
Until we are nothing but a pile of glass
Yet when someone sees us
In all our colors
No matter how dull they seem to us
They are a masterpiece to someone out there
We are loved
I, who have thought for so long
That this world has rejected me
It was I who rejected it
And the people around me
I who was shy in her dark shadow
Yet when I finally smiled
And showed the world my light
The light became a part of me
My soul, already broken
Smashed and brought back together so many times
I thought I was lost
Just simply roaming the road to darkness
But now,
I walk this road to dawn
I can’t stand the darkness
Nor could I ever fully walk the road to light
Not yet anyways
So now on my journey I go
This journey of heart and soul
I pick this road
This darkness
And light
This hurt and sorrow
And this joy and happiness
You can’t have one without the other
So I’ll be in that in-between
I’ll be in that realm of twilight
I’ll show those who walk the road to darkness the light within
Because in the deepest darkness
There is the brightest light
Just waiting for us to see it
It’s always there
We just have to hold out our hand and know
That we are not alone
Hand in hand we join together
This pain and joy that binds human kind forever
I hold out my hand
And say to you who are lost
I, who am a simple traveler like you
Wandering these lonesome roads with you tonight
See those people going on their way?
Those who pass by us?
They, who seem to be full of greatness,
They too are broken
You know them, don’t you?
Just like you
The ones with beautiful hearts
They know this road of daybreak
And I am on that road
To find the heart’s true light
Please join me on this journey
Into the great unknown
This world so broken
This mask it hides behind
This mask of perfection
Take it off and what do you have?
Just a shattered world
Wanting something it can never have
Taking in its victims one by one
Yet your heart is precious
Don’t give it up
Don’t be a fool like I once was
I, this lonely traveler
Though I don’t know what may lie ahead
Please as we journey together,
Let me see you for who you are
Show me your sorrow
Your pain
I who am just as broken as you
I am just a simple, Christian girl
Though some may think of me as perfect and happy
There is a deep sorrow inside me
I the biggest hypocrite of all
Wears this mask of lies
Yet as I walk this path
This road to dawn
This mask is breaking
And maybe one day
I’ll truly be free
But I can’t do this alone
As I hold out my hand
Know that you are my strength just as much as I am yours
Dear reader,
Tonight I want you to think of who you are
Are you broken?
Are you whole?
Are you walking the road to darkness?
Or the road to dawn just as I am?
Please show me your heart
And please…
Let me show you mine…